Back in the Saddle

Dear friends,

After a two year hiatus (to be addressed at a later date when I've had far more Muscadet and feel like reopening a wound), I am back on the Tinder. I'm looking for love in the only place I know, because if I wait for this man to just arrive himself in my life, I will grow old and bearded while waiting. If I am perfectly honest, I am not ready to be doing this- I don't feel good about myself right now and am in the mental state that I can't quite discern why anyone would want to date me. Every previous break up felt like a liberation- back on the scene! Partying with my people! Tearing up the town! But I don't feel that way this time. I miss my boyfriend and can't seem to shake this sadness.

Prematurely or not, I'm hitting the app and swiping aggressively because sometimes I think its a numbers game. I'm weeding through these men knowing they will be a treasure for someone, trying to get better with first date jitters and not lose my mind in the process. But these are shark infested waters, as everyone knows. In the two weeks since I downloaded the app, I have:

a) been asked if I enjoy spanking.
b) been asked if I am a sub or a dom, after being called "cold". (He slipped his own status in a subtle way- "I enjoy healthy cooking, running in the park, sailing, I'm a dom, enjoy Crossfit and make time for charity work.")
c) received suggestive images of torso and nether regions (ok, I egged him on a little).
d) received a fully nude picture of a man proudly displaying his ding dong (different man from above- I did NOT egg this on).

I would call this a fruitful two weeks, if unsuccessful in the actual pursuit of meeting someone kind and normal.  When the spanker first proposed his question, I burst into tears at my desk.  This is what is out in the world? This is what I have to look forward to?  I buried my head in my hands for a few minutes, then shook off my sorrows and kept swiping.  Up the food chain!